Why Yes

Myths and Facts about Gay Marriage

When opponents of same-sex marriage explain their views, the reasons vary from person to person, but a few of the same false beliefs crop up almost every time. Most of these are spread through misdirected emotional appeals, misinformation about our legal system, and a lack of basic knowledge about the venerable history of marriage.

One common denominator in these arguments is an appeal to fear: fear of the unknown, of losing essential freedoms, or of losing social status and uniqueness. The more people let go of their fears surrounding same-sex marriage, the further we as a society travel along the road to equality. We hope that explaining and disarming these misconceptions we will help that happen a little more quickly.

1. It’s not OK to be gay.

This is something rarely spoken aloud in the mainstream by opponents of gay marriage. Yet, look up “It’s not OK to be gay” on a search engine and you will find everything from church signs declaring this as a sermon to recordings of actual sermons with this topic. For some reason or another, the very idea of same-sex love makes some people uncomfortable or even disgusted, and they use that emotional reaction to justify the way our legal system discriminates against gay couples. That's not how the law is supposed to work—marriage shouldn’t be denied to any American couple simply because others believe that their relationships are inferior.

There is a growing body of work by psychological and medical associations that say that no sexual orientation is pathological or harmful. The authors at www.religioustolerance.org have assembled a well-researched document giving details of what professional organizations have to say about sexual orientation.

2. Traditional marriage has always been defined as it is now.

Less than 110 years ago, a court ruling ensured that married women in every state could own property and sign legal contracts in their own name. This landmark decision, and the steady struggle for married women's rights preceding it, fundamentally changed the role of marriage in American society. In 1967, the fifteen states which still banned interracial marriage were forced to legalize it, despite outcries that an essential purpose of marriage—preserving racial purity—was under threat. Opponents to both changes argued that they would lower the social value of marriage and cause the disintegration of the family unit—sound familiar? Go back even further in time and the concept of marriage becomes almost unrecognizable: in some societies, it was an agreement between the parents of two people who may have never met.

Even people who oppose gay marriage will agree that in these cases, creating a new tradition was the best way to maintain a fair and just society. Likewise, allowing same-sex couples to marry is necessary to create equality for all citizens. The institution of marriage is still alive and well despite repeated upheavals, and embracing a more fair-minded tradition will help it stay that way through the twenty-first century.

3. Marriage has always been about one man and one woman.

As the Reverend Andrew Warner of the Plymouth UCC has pointed out, we only have to read the story of Jacob to see a Biblically sanctioned marriage of one man to two women, who were sisters! Besides, as mentioned in the previous section, just because something has always been done one way doesn't mean it shouldn't be changed if it creates a better, more equal society.

4. Allowing gays to marry will harm straight marriages.

Where do we start here? There are not a restricted number of marriage licenses available in the country. Any straight couple who are in love and have made the decision will still be able to marry. A comedian once joked that “gays should be allowed to marry so they can be as miserable as the rest of us.” As we see it, gay couples should be allowed to marry so we can be as happy as other loving spouses.

Some claim that getting married will have less value, will “cheapen”, when same-sex couples are allowed the right to it as well. A heterosexual marriage would still be the same life-changing vow; straight couples wouldn't care less about their spouses—so what are they afraid of losing? For people who are uncomfortable with being merely equal to lesbians and gays, marriage inequality is one of the last things they can use to show that the United States government considers their relationships to be better than those of their gay neighbors. When gay marriage becomes legal, they lose that token of superiority. That's not what marriage should be about—it’s a declaration of love and commitment, not a country club.

In Massachusetts, Connecticut and California, where gay couples have been allowed to marry, there has been no reported damage to quality of life among straight married couples. In fact, out of all fifty states, Massachusetts and Connecticut have the lowest divorce rates.

5. Marriage is about procreation.

Many married couples raise children; some come from both parents, others may be conceived through egg or sperm donors, and some may be adopted or blended into a step family. The worth of a family isn't based on whether the children are biologically related to both parents, any more than it's based on whether the parents are gay or straight. Of course, not everyone is able to reproduce, or wants to, yet no one has suggested we prevent childless heterosexual couples from marrying.

6. Gay marriage will harm children because children shouldn’t grow up in a gay or lesbian household.

No evidence has suggested that children who grow up with gay or lesbian parents are worse off than their peers. The American Academy of Pediatrics has concluded in their published research that “there are no data to suggest that children who have gay or lesbian parents are different in any aspects of psychological, social, and sexual development from children in heterosexual families.”

7. We don’t need gay marriage because LGBT couples can be protected through civil unions and domestic partnerships.

The rights given through civil unions and domestic partnerships vary widely from state to state. Civil union laws are meant to confer all the state-based rights given by marriage, but don't provide any federal rights because of DOMA. Domestic partnerships do not even provide all the state-based marriage rights.

Even if DOMA was repealed and all states had full civil unions like Vermont, would it be all right to sequester LGBT relationships into a different legal category? No—it's still biased to honor some couples with the word “marriage” and not others merely because of the genders of the people involved. Saying it's “just” verbal discrimination doesn't change the fact that discrimination of any kind doesn't have a place in U.S. law.

8. Marriage is a sacred institution, and since churches don't allow gay marriages, neither should the law.

Many gay and straight people regard marriage as sacred and view it from a religious perspective. But legal marriage is a function of our government, and it’s the government’s responsibility to not impose one group’s religious beliefs on any citizen. In addition, what about faiths that do celebrate same-sex marriage, including some Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, and Unitarian congregations? We shouldn’t place a lower priority on their beliefs. Religion is so infinitely varied, especially in our country, that presenting one group as the religious viewpoint makes no sense.

9. Allowing gay couples to marry will force religious officials to perform ceremonies that violate their beliefs. The government will persecute people whose religious beliefs aren’t gay-friendly.

A good number of religious groups in the U.S. today disagree with some of the legal marriages that already take place here. So far, not one religious official has been required by law to carry out a marriage ceremony that goes against their beliefs. Conservative Catholics don’t allow remarriage after a divorce, and priests are free to turn away couples if one has a divorce in their past. Likewise, any religious leader would be allowed to turn down a same-sex couple that asked them to officiate at their wedding.