Why 'Gay Marriage'?
By Dan Kirk on 04/02/2009 @ 01:26 PM
Dan Kirk
I want to talk to you about marriage equality.
I want to talk to you about gay marriage.
Take a moment out of your day. Go to a local shopping center or other public place, and tell people the two statements above. When you say the first sentence, how many people do you think will immediately know what you are talking about? How many know exactly what you are talking about with the second one?
While we within the LGBT community like to talk about terms likes ‘marriage equality’ to describe our fight for the legal recognition of our relationships, most people in this country don’t. Yes, the issue is about equality of our marriages, but the topic we are discussing is gay marriage, and it’s time the LGBT community proudly, and unapologetically discusses our support for gay marriage.
Whether it is the local newspaper, the nightly news, or people standing at the proverbial water cooler, the term most often used to discuss LGBT relationships is ‘gay marriage’. Google and other search engines will see that term far more than they will ‘marriage equality’ or other similar terms. While we inside the community see this as our fight for marriage equality (and rightly so), the people we need to reach, the people we need to convince to support us, see it as ‘gay marriage’.
That is why we are calling this site and our organization ‘Yes on Gay Marriage’.
As we have known for many years, it is when family, friends, and others get to know LGBT persons, when they see us as individuals and families their opinions change. When they see the issue as being about real people, people they know or at least know about, their views change. Instead of it being just an impersonal issue, it becomes personal. That is why we are working to get our stories out there, so that when people hear ‘gay marriage’ they are able to put real faces, real stories with the issue.
The bottom line is that no matter what we think about the issue, it is the rest of the country that we have to convince. Let’s get the conversation stated the right way, so they know what we are talking about: gay marriage.
Dan Kirk has been active in the LGBT rights movement for sixteen years, starting with the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” debates in the early 90s. Helping to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act has become one of his highest priorities.
Lessons from History
By Jo Meleca-Voigt on 03/31/2009 @ 01:26 PM
I live in a place where unpopularity historically has taken a back seat to equality. The drive from my house to my favorite gay coffee shop includes a jaunt over the Genesee River on the Frederick Douglass/Susan B. Anthony Bridges. Both namesakes spent time in Rochester and fought for what they believed in without regard for consequence.
After being freed from slavery, Douglass moved to Rochester NY, housed a stop on the Underground Railroad and fought to desegregate Rochester City schools. Similarly, Susan B. Anthony fought for the abolition of slavery, but is best known for her relentless and tenacious work in gaining women’s suffrage; fruition she never witnessed.
Douglass and Anthony did not act alone. They were organizers and leaders. They motivated others to pitch in and believe in the injustice of inequality. They challenged public officials and engaged in civil disobedience. They dared to risk everything to end inequality.
We can and must learn a lesson from the trailblazers of the past. The fight for marriage equality is going to take the efforts of a collective community and the leadership of the not-so-faint of heart.
It’s so easy and appealing to wait for another day or for someone else to stand up. Some blame hectic work schedules for their inability to take the time to be active. While often that is true, and unavoidable, many just don’t see involvement as conquerable or important. Many see the social inequity as unconquerable. My guess is however that social inactivism is a result of apathy.
Apathy is real and permeates our culture. Those who wish to continue to squelch our rights are counting on apathy to deliver their agendas. Anthony was a huge thorn in the sides of those who opposed her quest. Did the University of Rochester president welcome Anthony when she fought for the acceptance of women into the university? No, he put every obstacle possible in her way, hoping that she would give up. He hoped that apathy would allow the institution to continue to discriminate.
Imagine if Frederick Douglass or Susan B. Anthony were apathetic. Imagine if they thought that they couldn’t make a difference. These were exceptional human beings and while I try to emulate their commitment to their cause, I would never pretend to be their equal. But, I continue to be motivated by them, knowing that one person CAN make a difference. Could that person be you?
Jo Meleca-Voigt is a teacher in Greece, NY. She lives with her wife Christine and their two cats, Casey and Kennedy. She enjoys traveling and is proud of her Italian heritage.
DOMA & When Gay Couples Travel
By Dan Kirk on 03/31/2009 @ 01:26 PM
Sometimes it is the thing we don’t think about that comes and bites us in the rear. My partner Robert has been undergoing chemotherapy to treat Mantle Cell Lymphoma. In February he finished the last round of regular chemo and we decided to take a celebratory trip to Walt Disney World in Florida to celebrate.
Disney is one of one Robert’s favorite things in the universe. When we were first dating, one of his first gifts to me was an Annual Pass to California’s Disneyland. “You’ll need it if we stick together.” That is what he said, and it proved absolutely true. We make a few trips each year to California’s Disney parks and so far we make it to Disney World once every three years (eventually we’ll get to EuroDisney and the parks in Hong Kong as well as Tokyo). So, for him, this trip was extra special. It’s a trip to one of his favorite places on earth, and we are celebrating his completing the chemotherapy treatment (it was also my birthday!).
The trip started out great, if a little cold. Every day the temperature got warmer and the fun increased. Robert’s energy levels were great and we left behind the fear of having to take him to an emergency room because his blood platelets drop too far (something that can happen with chemo). We had great fun at the parks, great food, and even my birthday went off splendidly.
Then I got sick.
I woke up in the middle of the night vomiting. My temperature spiked well over a hundred and by the next day, when things had gotten only a little better, we started thinking about taking me to an emergency room. We even went so far as to call the insurance company to find out which local hospital was ‘in-network’ for us to use. Luckily there was one just a few miles from the parks, and we were covered.
Only thing is I didn’t want to go.
Florida is one of those states that have not leaned on the federal DOMA legislation but on a state-passed version as well. Robert and I didn’t get married during the brief sunshine of California. We wanted to wait until 2009 when our anniversary came around and we could fully plan it out, but we do have a registered Domestic Partnership. In California there would be no doubt about who would make the medical decisions for me if it were needed. This isn’t California though, or even one of the states that recognize our relationships and would give the full faith and credit of their recognition to California’s laws recognizing us.
No, we were instead in a state that refused to even let ‘people like us’ adopt children. I was truly afraid, enough to have a nightmare, that doctors would refuse to let Robert in to see me, or would require a ‘family member’ to make a medical decision for me. It’s happened to me before (albeit under different circumstances where the country I was in refused to recognize my status as a legal adult).
My nearest living family member is my sister, and she would know better than to contadict my Robert in making such decisions, but to have to go through her would have been demeaning. However, after her there are quite a few Aunts and Uncles that would take great pleasure in cutting Robert out of the equation for sheer verisimilitude and to be able to tell me “I told you so!” about their staunch religious beliefs and how no gay relationship can ever be as ‘real’ as others.
Now, the rational part of my brain (now that I am recovering) says that no such nightmare scenario would likely have happened. Sure, this is Florida with all its anti-gay laws on the books, but they know better than to do stuff like that, right? Still, the fact that with DOMA in place they CAN do such things sends shivers through my spine.
I chose NOT to seek medical attention even though I was vomiting for two days out of a simple fear that they would refuse to recognize Robert’s right to make my decisions for me. What must it be like for the gay and lesbian couples that live here? What about all those other states that are the same way?
As we prepared to leave Orlando and head back home to California, we sat in the resort’s cafeteria area until our bus was ready to leave. The room was filled with hundreds of people from all over the United States, and even all over the world. If they get sick did they have to worry about things the way we did?
No, of course not. That couple from Canada over there…they’re a guy and a girl so their marriage will be recognized if one of them gets sick. See that family over there? If the child gets sick either parent can take them to the hospital, not like that family over there where the kids have two moms and Florida won’t recognize one of those mothers as having legal authority over their children.
This is just another example of how DOMA has made us into a two-tiered society for the past twelve years. Let’s get this thing ended!
Dan Kirk has been active in the LGBT rights movement for sixteen years, starting with the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” debates in the early 90s. Helping to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act has become one of his highest priorities.
When does gay marriage matter to straight people?
By Jo Meleca-Voigt on 03/19/2009 @ 01:28 PM
When does gay marriage matter to straight people?
When it’s personal!
As a woman who is in a solid and committed relationship with another woman, enjoying all the rights and responsibilities of marriage in this country that I love is an obvious next step for my relationship. But, I often wonder what motivates my straight friends to fight for marriage equality who wouldn’t have the obvious benefits that I would.
My ministers, two of which are a straight married couple, have refused to sign marriage licenses for anyone until they can sign them for loving same-sex adults. Since many couples opt for the convenience of a minister who will sign the license rather than going to city hall to have it done themselves, the ministers have nothing to gain from this action and a lot to lose. The income from marriage ceremonies is significant. But, to them who minister to a congregation with a large number of gay members, doing what they believe in is more significant.
A few months ago, a close friend’s husband died suddenly in a freak accident. They are both in their early thirties and have a 2 ½ year old child. One night, my friend and I were talking about how she would proceed after her devastating loss. Some of the issues that came up regarded what to do with the house that was in her husbands name, how to best use and save with the insurance and other benefits considering that her husband was the chief breadwinner, and how to make sure that her child always knew and loved both families even though her father was no longer there. At one point, I mentioned to my friend, who is 100% supportive of gay rights, that things would be very different if I lost Christine and we had a child. In that instant, I saw in my friends face a deep understanding of what protections marriage had given her. The peace of mind during such a difficult time that she was cared for and didn’t have to add to her grief the struggles of custody, inheritance taxes, next of kin status or who was in charge of burial decisions.
I realized that there were no words that could bring her to where she was; it was her experience. It was the intimate knowledge of what marriage meant in that awful time that gave her a deeper connection to our fight for equal marriage rights for same-sex couples.
My ministers as well as my friend have a lot of interaction with gay people. They know how much marriage matters to us on a day to day level. They know that affirming the love between adults, regardless of gender, is the right thing to do.
Looking in history, it is when those who have seemingly nothing to gain by civil rights get involved that real change happens. Those who are being discriminated against are by virtue of that discrimination unable to have the same venues available to them to spread their message of equality. It is when those who have nothing to gain have the courage of their convictions to stand up that the world listens with a different ear.
As Pastor Martin Niemöller said, “In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew; And then … they came for me … And by that time there was no one left to speak up.”
Jo Meleca-Voigt is a teacher in Greece, NY. She lives with her wife Christine and their two cats, Casey and Kennedy. She enjoys traveling and is proud of her Italian heritage.
Currently reading page 3 of 3.
Previous Page 1 2 3
