An Irish Blessing

By Jo Meleca-Voigt on 04/20/2009 @ 01:26 PM

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One of my good friends just got married. She and her husband are of Irish descent and incorporated many Irish traditions and themes into the wedding. One such tradition is to have the veil placed on the bride by someone whose marriage she respects and wants to emulate. She asked me to do it.

I am flattered by the honor on so many levels. It also made me reflect on my own marriage and why she would pick me out of all of her friends and family to hold up as the kind of marriage that she wants to have. There were so many couples that she knows that have something that my marriage doesn’t have: the means by which to protect and provide for each other through the automatic rights granted by civil marriage.

But, when people think of marriage, they don’t often think about the legal protections and responsibilities that come with it. People don’t walk down the aisle thinking about health insurance or the right to make medical decisions, next of kin status or how they might be protected if the marriage ends in divorce. They are focused on the person waiting at the other end of the aisle.

So what is it that my friend wants to emulate? Our married life consists of waking up, going to work, making dinner, feeding the cats, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, paying the bills….Nothing in our daily routines makes us particularly inspiring or different than most married couples.

What makes our marriage recognizably strong is much deeper than that. It’s the commitment that my wife and I have to each other and our future together. It’s the sparkle in our eyes when we talk to and about each other. It’s the way we love spending time together doing everything and nothing, but know how to give each other the space that each needs. It’s the way we encourage each other to be the best we can be, not just through words and actions, but by allowing each other to be ourselves and follow our hearts. It’s those deep senses of loyalty, respect, concern and love that we have for each other. I would say though, that the most important thing about my marriage is that we belong together. People who know us know that Christine and I are a perfect fit. We are whole individuals who make each other better and more complete.

My friend recognizes these things and I am forever grateful to her because this Irish tradition became an Irish blessing to me. It allowed me to reflect on how very fortunate I am to have such an incredible relationship. I just wish my government would recognize that and respect my relationship by letting me place the veil on the head of civil marriage.

Jo Meleca-Voigt is a teacher in Greece, NY. She lives with her wife Christine and their two cats, Casey and Kennedy. She enjoys traveling and is proud of her Italian heritage.